Monday, August 6, 2012

One Month On Happy Pills: An Update

Almost a month ago I started taking 150mg of Welbutrin every day to treat my depression. I was terrified about being medicated and worried that it would only make me feel worse about myself. I gritted my teeth and gave it a try though, and I'm so overwhelmingly grateful that I did.

About three days after starting my medication I woke up and felt so... at ease. The best way I can describe it is that I felt like I was no longer living in a haze, no longer stuck in a dark cloud of which  I couldn't pull myself out. The medicine didn't force me to be happier than I normally am, didn't remove all other emotions like I feared it would. It simply removed the heavy weight I felt I was carrying and helped me to see things clearly, to see things as they really were, and not distorted by the murkiness of depression.

Life is so much better now. I have hope again, I look forward to things again, and I finally enjoy and have a desire to do those things I used to love. I can actually motivate myself to do things again, from tedious chores to fun craft projects.

Is everything all sunshine and roses now? No, that's not realistic. Life is full of ups and downs, of happiness, sadness, and yes - even depression. The difference is that when I feel myself sinking into a depressive mood I am actually able to pull myself out of it, to distract myself, to pick myself up and get moving. And that is the most amazing feeling in the world after what I've dealt with for over a year.

I realize now, after coming out of that dark haze, that I have so much to be grateful for. I have an amazing husband, two sweet little boys, my own home, and great friends. Life is good, and I'm glad that I can finally see that again.


Cathy Brooksby said...

So glad you are doing better, I will keep the prayers going though. because everyone needs prayers. ;)

Ty and Whitty said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. come and enter the giveaway on my blog it is 5 passes to a fun trampoline gym and it is in orem by you :)