Devastated.

I went in for my 13 week doctor's appointment yesterday and the doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. Normally I would freak out about it, but that same thing happened when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Taylor. Just to be safe the doctor ordered an ultrasound this afternoon to make sure everything was still okay.

I was confident going into the ultrasound room that things would be fine and I was excited to see the baby. Unfortunately from the second I saw the image on the screen I knew something was wrong. The baby looked a lot smaller than I expected and wasn't moving at all. She took some measurements, then turned on the sound to see if we could hear a heartbeat. Nothing. She quickly turned the machine off and said she'd let the doctor look over the results and tell me what was going on. I had a horrible feeling about it, and as soon as I saw the look on my doctor's face I knew that I had lost the baby.

At my nine week appointment the baby was fine and I was even able to hear the heartbeat. However, just a week later it passed away. Unfortunately my body has just tried desperately to hold on to my little one, and now at over 13 weeks pregnant I'm just barely starting to show any symptoms of miscarriage.

I'm scheduled for a DNC tomorrow morning and we can start trying to get pregnant again in two months. I'm just absolutely devastated. There's no other way to describe it, and I think only those mothers who have lost children of their own can really relate. I loved this little baby so much. It's hard to keep it in mind, but I know that my sweet baby's spirit lives on and that some day I will have the opportunity to see them again. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of Sean and I and the pain we're going through right now.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and love. It means the world to me.