Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Devastated.

I went in for my 13 week doctor's appointment yesterday and the doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. Normally I would freak out about it, but that same thing happened when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Taylor. Just to be safe the doctor ordered an ultrasound this afternoon to make sure everything was still okay.

I was confident going into the ultrasound room that things would be fine and I was excited to see the baby. Unfortunately from the second I saw the image on the screen I knew something was wrong. The baby looked a lot smaller than I expected and wasn't moving at all. She took some measurements, then turned on the sound to see if we could hear a heartbeat. Nothing. She quickly turned the machine off and said she'd let the doctor look over the results and tell me what was going on. I had a horrible feeling about it, and as soon as I saw the look on my doctor's face I knew that I had lost the baby.

At my nine week appointment the baby was fine and I was even able to hear the heartbeat. However, just a week later it passed away. Unfortunately my body has just tried desperately to hold on to my little one, and now at over 13 weeks pregnant I'm just barely starting to show any symptoms of miscarriage.

I'm scheduled for a DNC tomorrow morning and we can start trying to get pregnant again in two months. I'm just absolutely devastated. There's no other way to describe it, and I think only those mothers who have lost children of their own can really relate. I loved this little baby so much. It's hard to keep it in mind, but I know that my sweet baby's spirit lives on and that some day I will have the opportunity to see them again. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of Sean and I and the pain we're going through right now.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and love. It means the world to me.

6 comments:

Nicole said...

I hope everything goes okay tomorrow. You have been in my thoughts and prayers all day. I'm right downstairs if you ever need anything or just want to talk.

Ty and Whitty said...

I'm so sorry Our thoughts and prayers are with your little family

Amy Jo said...

You and Sean are definitely in our prayers, I was so sad to hear this news. =(

Heather said...

Oh Anne, I am sooo sorry. I lost twins and it was devastating. I know just how you feel. Get lots of rest and talk about it. That is the way to move forward. Never forget but mobe forward

Lindz said...

I am so sad to hear this devastating news. I am so sorry and words can't really describe much. My prayers and thoughts are with you. If you need anything, like talking or dinner please let me know, really don't hesitate to ask. Lindz

Nicole said...

On a happy note, I LOVE the new page topper with little Tay's orange shoes! Anne I just hope and pray you get another opportunity for a child. I love watching you mother Taylor from this blog and see all the joy in your posts/pictures. I had a DNC at 11 weeks, it was weird. They gave me some type of medication that made me crazy and I was telling the nurse about what a terrible husband I had... Yikes! I hope yours went better and that you are able to recover and enjoy your little man!! Love you aNNe