These past few days have been very stressful, to say the least. Chemo has really hit Sean hard and he's incredibly fatigued all the time. He's getting really tired of... well... being really tired. Both of our emotions have been very close to the surface and we've both had our fair share of breakdowns. On top of always wanting to sleep, some of the other side effects are really bothering Sean too. For one, he's always got a metallic taste in his mouth, and foods taste differently to him now than they used to. We got pizza a couple of nights ago and he took one bite and almost broke down because it tasted so bad to him. Also, he's been getting really painful hiccups that are very difficult to get rid of. Apparently it's a pretty common side effect of one of the chemo drugs and it's exacerbated by stress, so every time Sean gets worked up about something the hiccups are quick to follow.
On top of everything, I think that Taylor is picking up on all the tension in the house and has been a lot fussier than usual. He's not sleeping well at all and has been really whiny. I feel so bad for him, and we're both trying to be as happy as we can and spend as much time as possible with him so that he knows everything is okay.
We talked to a social worker yesterday at the clinic while Sean was having his treatment and she gave us some good advice and reading material on the emotional effects of cancer, both on the patient and on their family. She told us that we have to just try and be gentle with one another and closely guard our relationship. With tensions so high right now, it's easy to become bitter and angry and lash out at each other. We are trying as hard as we can to cooperate and work together, but it's definitely a very difficult thing to do sometimes.
I think that the only thing that's going to get us through these next few months is our faith. Even though Sean is usually really tired and I'm usually really cranky, we've made it a habit to read a chapter from the Book of Mormon and pray together every night before we go to bed. It seems to mellow us out enough that we can get some sleep and face another day. And really when it comes down to it, we love each other more than anything and if we can get through chemo, we can survive anything.
I know I sound like a broken record, but we are so appreciative of all those who have been helping us. I'm so grateful for my mom, who spent the last two days with us to help me with Taylor so that I could be with Sean at the clinic. I'm also so grateful for the women in Relief Society who have been bringing us dinner every night - it seems like such a little thing, but it means so much at the end of the day when the last thing I want to think about is eating. Also, to whoever left $200 cash in our mailbox a few nights ago, GOD BLESS YOU! You will never know how much that meant to us. With all of our extra medical expenses and Sean taking so much time off work, any extra money we get is truly a blessing.
We love you all and I'll continue keeping everyone updated on Sean's treatments.